Sharing people's stories #2

TRIGGER WARNING // eating disorders, body image issues

I have always felt bigger my whole life. I was constantly being teased at school for how my body looked. Some people even sang the Jason Derulo song “wiggle” in front of me just to make fun of my weight. This really upset me, and just reminded me of my own issues with my body, making me feel worse about how I looked. I decided that I wanted to lose weight so I started with a simple plan to lose weight. Running around 4-5 miles a day just to lose weight and only consuming up to 1300 calories a day. However this was too much for me to handle, the exercise was very tiring and with so many other responsibilities I didn’t have the time to exercise this much. In addition, I didn’t receive the results I expected. I went on to fasting instead of exercising, now only consuming 800-900 calories per day. This definitely wasn’t healthy and I knew that but it allowed me to lose around 30 pounds in 6 months. However, it also caused a drastic change in my personality, being hungry all the time made me highly irritable, withdrawn, and unhappy. People noticed the change in my weight and it both made my proud and ashamed, proud that I lost weight but ashamed of how I lost it. I knew this wasn’t the right way. I realized this was a problem and after researching eating disorders I thought I might have anorexia. Though my BMI was underweight my body still didn’t reflect my expectations, I was torn between losing weight and going to therapy to work on my issues. Luckily, I made the decision to work through it and confront my problems. For me, my own research and becoming more body positive helped more than therapy. (for others therapy may have a larger role in helping them and I am glad that I took the step towards therapy as it helped me accept that I needed help and to work on my problems). Everyone’s bodies are built differently and are going to look differently, don’t try to conform to societal standards. 

A few things that may be harmful to people with eating disorders include saying “you don't look like you have an eating disorder” - makes them feel that they need to lose more weight to look more skinny. Babying them into eating food - this only infantilizes them and makes them feel inferior, it isn’t helpful. Don’t constantly mention your healthy eating and healthy eating habits - this just makes them feel guilty and most likely will reinforce unhealthy methods of losing weight. Overall, just be mindful of what you say around them and how it may make them feel. 

Some advice for people who do have eating disorders: it will take a long time to recover, maybe even years, the same habits will remain for a while you have to be patient. Treat your body with the respect it deserves. Wear what makes you feel good, Fashion should be what makes you comfortable and makes you feel confident not what other people are wearing/telling you to wear. Listen to your body, if you are hungry, go find something to eat. Find friends that will support you. Your body will change alot due to your eating disorder, embrace your stretch marks and other changes don’t be ashamed of them. What the media displays as normal and average is NOT normal nor average, the media is skewed and the average person is larger than what is shown. Alot of clothes aren’t fitted for larger bodies, this make you feel uncomfortable but you are not alone! This isn’t your fault or your body’s fault.