sharing people's stories #3// Dealing with self harm

TRIGGER WARNING: Depression, suicidal thoughts, self-harm, cutting, etc.

Hi everyone! My identity is going to be kept anonymous for the sake of my privacy, but I go to monte vista and I am in the 2021 class and have been dealing with self-harm for a little more than four years now. While it has been a long and not so pretty struggle, it has gotten better and I’ve picked up on some tips and tricks along the way that have helped me get through my urges. The methods that I’ve used include ice, rubber bands/hair ties, drawing/painting/any creative outlet, and energy-wasting activities such as running. 

To start off with, ice can be a very safe alternative for self-harm. What I’ve done in the past is that I’ve placed ice cubes where I wish to cut and held them there for as long as needed. The shock of the cold followed by the numbing feeling can help replicate the feeling one might get from cutting without causing any real damage.

The next method is using rubber bands or hair ties. This method is really only useful for those who cut on their wrists. It’s again simple and doesn’t cause any real damage. All you need to do is place a rubber band or hair tie around your wrist, pull back and let it snap. Like the ice cube method, the shock of the impact mixed with the stinging of the snap can be a great replacement for strong urges one might have to self-harm. Another reason some might self-harm is that they believe that deserve to feel pain or be punished. While this, of course, isn’t true and that they don’t deserve to feel pain, it’s a nasty mindset that some have that’s hard to get rid of. The rubber band trick can be painful so please use it in moderation, but it doesn’t cause any real damage that cutting would. 

While these physical tricks can be useful for satisfying the urges one might have to cut, it’s also important to try and bring yourself to a healthier mindset. You can do this in all sorts of ways but my personal favorites are any sort of creative outlet or something that wastes energy. Whenever I feel depressed, hopeless, or start to get an urge, I like to express myself in different ways like songwriting, painting, and drawing. Something that you can do is draw on the spots where you wish to self-harm. It’s a great way to express your feelings. waste some time to hopefully get over your urge, and it lets you do something kinder to your body instead of hurting it. 

Another way to try and help your mindset is any sort of energy release. Whether it’s punching your pillow, working out, hiking, or running, moving your body and doing something physical can help get you out of any sort of depressive pit or mindset. We all have those days when we get overwhelmed and just want to escape. Whenever I feel like that, I just put on running shoes, grab my headphones, and go on a run. Then I listen to loud angry music and run until I can’t run anymore. Not only does it give you a change of scenery and helps you get fresh air, but it also forces you to do something productive and healthy for yourself and your body instead of something negative. Something to keep in mind when doing this is to stay safe and aware of your surroundings. Running can help you release your stress and energy, but it’s always important to keep yourself safe and away from possibly dangerous situations.

Again, these are just some tips and tricks that I’ve used through my long struggle with self-harm and I’m proud to say that I am almost 100 days clean with many many more to come. While I do not wish to have my name tied to this post, my dms are always open so if you wish to contact me I am more than happy to talk to you! Just dm @fightingfor_hope so they can send me a message. While any battle with any sort of mental illness such as depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, etc. etc. can seem suffocating and impossible to beat, just know that it does get better and that you are never alone. Best wishes to you all.

-anonymous